About Me

Head of Lower School at La Jolla Country Day School (mbaier@ljcds.org)

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Empathy vs. Sympathy


“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

Empathy and sympathy are two very different concepts.  As humans, we often confuse one with the other.  When we are trying to help students learn to be resilient, we (as adults) must offer empathy, not sympathy.  What is the difference, you may ask.  Empathy is essentially understanding and caring offered when we truly know or try to understand what the child is going through.  Sympathy on the other hand is that feeling of care and concern that accompanies trying to make someone feel better.  Empathetic adults understand and may have experienced the same thing the child is going through, but the child has to learn how to make him/herself feel better.  Sometimes, for example, that comes through having consequences or making amends.  We have a tendency to want to lessen the consequences of poor decisions by children (that’s sympathy). 

Children who have loving, empathetic adults in their lives learn to take risks and struggle successfully, but children with only sympathetic adults learn to feel helpless and struggle without success.  Empathy is caring in a powerful way and children want the adults in their lives to be loving and powerful people.  We should all take stock in our responses to children to see how much empathy we offer, as opposed to sympathy.  Making that shift from sympathy to empathy is one sure way to help develop resiliency in children. 

If you are interested in the science of empathy there are some interesting perspectives at:

Have a great week!

Mrs. Baier

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